Christmas 2011 Smilebox

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Christmas Season Ramblings

I enjoy reading other people's blogs so much! I often don't post anything on mine because I spend so much time reading others. I want my memories to be recorded here, but I tend to only put the "good" stuff. Lord knows that my whole life isn't peaches and cream. I want to be more real on my blog. It may help others to know the truth about my life. I am very blessed and I have a great life, but I have bad days just like everyone else.
My most recent bad day was the day after Thanksgiving. Thanks a lot postpartum hormones! I have really been struggling since about six weeks postpartum. I've been diagnosed with postpartum depression. I've been seeing a counselor and taking an antidepressant medication. I'm so thankful to the woman who provided the funds to take care of myself during this time. Without her I wouldn't have afforded the treatment that I needed. I am forever grateful to her for her generosity. So, back to the day after Thanksgiving: I hadn't slept in two days, thanks to crying babies, and apparently I was hormonal. I started crying about something and couldn't stop. Then I had a sad thought about me being in heaven and my children not being there. I was so sad thinking about missing them because I was in heaven and they weren't. Ugh, stinking hormones like to kick you when your down. My husband tried to encourage me by reminding me that there aren't any tears in heaven. I replied that I don't know how...but I guess that's what faith is for. It's in the Bible and I choose to believe it! Needless to say I contacted my doctor as soon as possible and asked to increase my dosage. She obliged and we'll see how it goes. I just started it this past Sunday.

I'm so excited for Christmas! We're staying home with our kids on Christmas Day. It'll just be the four of us! Yeah!!!
I've been going crazy with my camera lately. I want to capture everything! This is Parker's first Christmas and I'm so excited. Makenzie and Parker are really bonding and loving on another. They seem to speak their own language to each other. I'm so thankful for the two of them. I'm thankful for Parker to have such a great big sister who loves him so much. I pray that they continue to love each other as they grow. That can be such a special relationship. I'm thankful that Parker is such an easy baby. He has fit into our family so seamlessly. They are both such a blessing to me and our family. I can't imagine my life without them and look forward to all of the memories that we are going to create.

Christmas Card 2011

Photo Card

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Parker

He is wonderful! I love him so much. He's a super easy baby. I can't believe I'm just now posting about him.
The labor and delivery went very quickly. I was induced at 41 weeks. They started the pitocin at 9:00 and he was born at 12:10. I experienced a lot more of the labor than I did with Makenzie. I received the epidural at about seven cm dilation and could barely feel to push. I wish I had gone natural the whole way because I could've pushed him out easier. That's easy to say now but at the time I was really hurting and ready for some relief. Our hospital stay was great. Parker never left our side. They don't take the babies down to the nursery anymore. He was with us the whole time. My parents came up and kept Makenzie for a few days. She loved having them here and it really helped us a lot.

Makenzie is a really proud big sister.



We're adjusting to being a family of four. We've been spending time with friends and family making sure to get it all in before school and football start. Practice started this past week and school starts in a week. I'm ready to get into a routine and have fun watching my children grow.

Friends

I miss my friends. The people that I call "friends" are all spread out. Some live hours away and some only a few minutes and I miss them all. Becoming a wife and mother really changes your friendships. Mainly because it alters the amount of time and energy you have. I love being a wife and mother, but I don't like the loneliness that has come with it. Women need one another in ways that men don't and it's been hard to make real connections as an adult. Why is that? I always assume that everyone else has all the friends they need and well...don't need me. Isn't that what it all comes down to...being needed? That's why my children get so much of me-they need me.

Pregnancy- Week 36

We're getting closer and closer to Parker's arrival! I'm really excited to see his sweet face. His room is ready and just needs our sweet baby boy! Makenzie is as prepared as she can be for what is about to happen. She introduces herself as a big sister to people and tells them that she too has a baby in her belly! A five year old friend of hers was really upset about Makenzie saying this yesterday. She told Makenzie that she couldn't have a baby in her belly because she had to be a grown up and married first.

As for me and the pregnancy. I'm doing okay. I caught a glimpse of myself in a full length mirror and realized...I'm HUGE. My back has been better than it was with Makenzie, probably because I'm not working. This week my pelvis has REALLY started hurting. I'm in pain with almost every step and rolling over in bed requires a lot of effort. At my check up this week my doctor checked my cervix and I'm dilated about a one but not effaced at all. Apparently this is typical for a second pregnancy. I'm excited to see what the next few weeks hold for the Neal family.

Letter of the Week-P

Makenzie was happy to practice her coloring, cutting, and pasting skills with this fun "Letter of the Week." I would've never thought to do anything to help her learn her letters, at least not this creatively, had it not been for http://www.notimeforflashcards.com/ I love her posts and try to emulate them with Makenzie often. Obviously I don't always blog about them, but I thought this "P" peacock turned out too cute!

Parker's Room

I intended to show the work in progress of this room, but I know all we really want to see is the final product. So, here it is. We love it. Now all we need is our baby boy.

Easter Weekend

Here is my latest pregnancy pic. In the picture I'm 32 weeks and 5 days pregnant. We had a super busy weekend! My parents delivered the dresser and changing table to us on Friday! Yeah! The dresser looks amazing. It is very masculine and just what we were wanting. I am waiting to find some fabric to attach to the shelves of the changing table before I reassemble it. I can't wait to get his room together enough to post pics of it. It's nothing fancy, but I love it.
On Saturday we went to visit my husband's family and celebrate his great grandmother turning 100 years old! We had a really great visit with them. She is such an amazing woman.

Sunday we had a great church service, went to lunch and shopping, and decorated eggs with Makenzie that evening.
It was a great weekend!

Little Miss Independent

Makenzie is becoming more and more independent every day. One evening this week she carried all of her stuffed animals into her bedroom and played by herself for almost an hour! My husband and I didn't know what to do. She is getting better at dressing and undressing herself. Thankfully she only does this at designated times instead of throughout the day. Just this week she started being able to open the refrigerator by herself. She's very proud when she does it too. Let's just say that last night she opened the refrigerator about six times in a row to check if the hard boiled eggs were cool yet. I'm so proud of her for all of these little milestones. It's also hard for me to see her growing up. I just need to do my best to enjoy her how she is right now.

Joy and Fulfillment

How do you find joy and fulfillment as a stay at home mom? When my daughter was younger I found it in her milestones and in new ways I could interact with her. Now that she is three she is needing me much less and I'm having a hard time being joyful. I'm currently 29 weeks pregnant with our son. This makes it physically challenging to be the mom that I want to be. With my daughter I feel at a loss of what to do with her. She'd rather play by herself than with me. I'm not finding happiness in the mundane meal planning and house cleaning that is my life right now. I don't know if a job is the answer, but it can't be the solution right now due to me being pregnant. I went to a "mom" conference this weekend. They posed the question, "What are your dreams, goals, and aspirations?" I don't have any for myself. I used to. It used to be all about me. Now the only goals I have are for my children. I feel like "my life" is over. Now it's all about my husband and my children. This is the number one reason I said I didn't want to get married and have children. I was afraid of losing myself...and I did.

Parenting is Hard!

This picture shows how I felt this week. I always knew that parenting would be hard, but I couldn't have begun to understand the emotional, physical, and mental toll it really takes on a person. I love being a stay at home mom. I wouldn't want it any other way. However, it is hard work! Over the past week and half Makenzie had pink eye, an ear infection, and gave up her pacifier. While the timing on the pacifier wasn't great there wasn't any choice in the matter. We were down to one pacifier and it was starting to tear. I told her that once it became dangerous for her to have it would have to be thrown away. She threw it away herself and was very proud of herself. She didn't even ask for it until the third night without it. She had a really difficult time sleeping without it. She did okay at her naps but once night time came she was really missing it. We went about four days with very little sleep. Makenzie would wake up about every hour or so crying. I would go into her after five minutes; comfort her and she would fall back asleep. I started extending the amount of time I let her cry and by the sixth day she slept seven hours straight without waking up. It was a wonderful feeling to have a full night's sleep. Also during this time of no sleeping Makenzie began biting, spiting, and throwing extensive fits. All of this was very hard on me. I wanted my "angel" baby back. We went through lots of "fun or room" and timeouts. Thankfully today she has been back to her old self. She hasn't thrown one fit all day and she has been a real joy to be around. I pray that this continues. I had two meltdowns yesterday in front of Makenzie. The lack of sleep and the bad behavior had really taken it's toll on me. I'm not sure how seeing me cry made her feel, but I wasn't proud of it. I do know that it's good for her to see me cry, but it didn't feel right. I'm so thankful to God for hearing my prayers and my cries and making my circumstances better. He really does care.

Happy Birthday Baby!

Makenzie is three years old!!! I can hardly believe it! She is growing up so fast! Her birthday party was a success. We did a princess themed birthday party for her and two of her friends. Makenzie and I made cookies the night before and cut them out in the shape of princess shoes and crowns. She and her friends decorated them with icing and sprinkles. They played dress up and got their nails painted. They also played "pin the tail on the unicorn" and parachute. The cake cone cupcakes that I made did not turn out well. The cones were soggy and the icing did not taste good. Of course the kids liked them just fine. We also had cheese and crackers and fruit skewers. My grandmother, my parents, and my best friend all came to celebrate also. This past weekend we went to Cleburne to visit with my husband's family and celebrate again. She received some wonderful gifts for her birthday. One of which was a bike from her daddy and I. She loves it! She's ridden it almost every day since she got it.
I want to document some things about Makenzie at this age.
She loves:
-her pink blanket and Mary
-being a "big girl" and a "big sister"
-her daddy! (and mommy)
-being home...she often asks if we can "just stay home"
-playing tea party with her babies: Annabelle, Sara, Ashley, Libby, and Jordan
-helping Mommy with everything
-Daddy and daughter time at the basketball games
-anything crafty! cutting, pasting, coloring, painting, or playdough
She is constantly asking questions about everything. She often asks the same questions in a different way. She is like a little sponge just soaking up information all the time. She asked me the other night if her daddy had taken the bus back to the bus barn. I said yes and when her daddy got home she asked him what the farmer does with it. She is so hilarious and smart. She is generally obedient, but sometimes just tells you no to your requests. She is well acquainted with timeouts...even at the grocery store. She is constantly pushing her boundaries and independence. We are working hard at establishing both in her life. She is a wonderful part of our family and I know we don't deserve the right to raise her, but we are doing our best. I love her very much. I'm proud of her in her strides to become her own person and in her love for God and Jesus.

Second Trimester - 25 Weeks

I am really feeling pregnant these days. I'm so happy every time I feel Parker move. He kicks a lot! I don't always appreciate the swift kicks to my bladder, but I'm always thankful to know that he is alive and well. I think of Parker as a person more than I ever did when I was pregnant with Makenzie. I find myself talking to him often. I'm so excited to know that we'll have our baby boy in our home in just a few quick months! We're starting to prepare more and more for him. We bought a box of diapers yesterday at Costco and we've ordered some artwork for the walls in his room. My friend is throwing me a baby shower in two weeks and I can hardly wait! We'll probably start really working on his room after the shower because that will be spring break. I'll post pics as soon as everything comes together.
Makenzie talks more and more everyday about Parker and her role as "big sister." She has been putting her dolls and animals into the roles of big brother or sister too. She is becoming increasingly independent in her play. I'm sure that is a skill that will be especially helpful once Parker makes his arrival. I'm sad to lose one on one time with her, but I'm so excited to see the relationship that will grow between the two of them.

Makenzie's Third Birthday

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Can I Cry Now?

Makenzie is growing up! She transitioned to a "BIG girl bed" tonight. She was sort of unsure about it, but also excited. This is the first step of many in her process of growing up and I never realized how hard it would be on me. It made me wonder how my parents, especially my mom, ever let me do anything. How did she leave me at college? I cried like a baby after we took the crib away and put in the full sized bed. I can't imagine what I'll be like when we have to leave her at college, or even let her spend the night at a friends house, or...go on a date!







I love how proud she looks in this picture!
Another thing that was hard about today was going through Makenzie's clothes that we had stored in the attic. We were saving them in case baby number two was a girl. Now that we know for sure that we are having a boy it is time to sell or donate all of her old things. I haven't even gotten to the hardest part...her infant clothes! I may have to save the outfit we brought her home from the hospital in. So, lots of big steps being taken in the Neal household today. We still have the biggest transition of all to come in June.

It's a boy! 19 weeks continued.

I am so excited to announce that the Neal family is expecting a sweet baby boy in June! I am in awe of how blessed we are. God loves us so much and is trusting us to not one, but two of His children. It is such an honor to have the opportunity to raise a boy for Jesus! I'm so excited for my husband to have to opportunity to raise a son. He is already an amazing father to our daughter and I am excited to see him with our son.

Second Trimester-Week 18 &19

Week 19 is here and it should be a big week! We have an appointment on Wednesday to have our sonogram to make sure that the baby is growing well and everything is where it is supposed to be and to HOPEFULLY find out the gender! I'm so excited! Last week was busy with my MOPS group. It was a craft week and our table's turn to bring food. That sort of consumed the beginning of the week. After that I had several really bad days with my back and stayed home as much as possible. Then yesterday, Sunday, I was very sick. I woke up with a stomach ache early in the morning. I ended up vomiting and having diarrhea for about ten hours. I had to call in to church for my four year old's class where Eric was already subbing for my co-teacher. I felt like I could go until I started violently vomiting then I knew I needed to stay home. Eric and Makenzie went to church and then went to visit some friends of ours for lunch and some playtime for Makenzie and their daughter. I was glad that I was home by myself not spreading my germs to them. After I got some pedialyte in me at about five pm I started feeling much better. I woke up this morning with my neck and shoulders being sore, but other than that I'm doing fine. Now it's almost 10am and Makenzie hasn't woken up yet. Guess I better go get her up and get our day started. I'll post again after our appointment on Wednesday.

Makenzie's Birth Story

I know that Makenzie was born almost three years ago, but I didn't have a blog then and I want to document her birth story. I'm sure I will post baby number two's birth story and I don't want to leave big sister out. So here it goes:
Makenzie's due date was February 19th. I REALLY wanted to wait for her to come naturally, but my doctor was going out of town the following week and I really wanted my doctor to be there for the delivery. So, I was induced on Feb 21st, her Uncle Casey's birthday. I went in for a check up on that Wednesday and she told me to check into the hospital that evening that we would induce the following morning. I spent that whole day being a nervous wreck! I couldn't eat, sleep, or do anything expect worry. I was so concerned about all of the "what ifs." It felt like the longest day of my life. So I drove to the hospital that night. Eric had a track meet that afternoon and met me at the hospital. I got checked in, changed into a gown, and they gave me two Ambien and said try to get some rest. I think Eric slept, but I did not. I stayed up all night doing word find puzzles. Finally at 4:30am the nurse asked if I wanted to go ahead and get everything started. I was like, "yes please!" Two hours later after getting the okay from the doctor, etc. They put in a Cervadil to get my cervix to soften. That wasn't the most comfortable experience, but once it was in it was no big deal. At some point they started giving me pitocin too. There was a lot of waiting and checking on things. Eventually I started dilating and by the time I got to 4cm I said I would take the epidural. Thankfully getting the epidural was not near as scary as I had anticipated and it provided some great relief. After that was more waiting and checking. At one point they weren't getting consistent readings of the baby's heart beat so they took me off of the external monitors and put in an internal monitor. I assume one of the nurses wasn't aware of this because when she came back in the room and didn't see the fetal heartbeat where it had been before she strapped oxygen on my face and started moving me from side to side very rapidly. I was terrified. She wouldn't tell me what was going on and I thought something was wrong with the baby. When the other nurses came in and informed her that the external monitors had been removed and that the baby was being monitored internally the chaos stopped. Everything was okay and the baby was fine. Eventually I could really feel a lot of pressure in my left hip as the baby was descending down into the birth canal more. They turned me on my hands and knees in what I called the frog position. It really took the pressure off and I actually fell asleep! I couldn't believe it! The doctor had to come in and break my water to get things moving. I'm not sure of the sequence of events with the epidural/catheter/internal monitor/crazy flipping back and forth trauma, etc. It has been three years! Anyways, once my water was broke the process seemed to really speed up. When I was almost fully dilated, the EPIDURAL RAN OUT! I didn't even know that was a possibility! So the nurses went to get a "refill cartridge." There was a nurse that was new to this particular hospital and they took this as a "teaching moment" to show her how to reload a cartridge. I was not happy. The pain was INTENSE! I kept telling Eric that I couldn't do this. The pain was so excruciating. He assured me that I could. He stayed right in my face and coached me through the contractions until they finally got it reloaded. Of course I took the time to say, "can you teach her later, I'm kind of dying here!" I normally don't say things like that and I have a huge respect for medical careers and teaching, but seriously I had to say something I just couldn't take it! Once the epidural was back working it was time to push! By the way, when I saw my doctor for the first time that day I was so excited! I thought that meant, "yeah, this is really happening!" and then she left and I didn't see her for several hours! I actually asked her where she was going when she started to leave. I think it caught her off guard. She was like "Um, I have paperwork to do and other patients to see. The nurses will let me know when your ready for me." So the extent of what my doctor did was break my water, deliver the baby, cut and sew me up, take a picture and then she was done. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my doctor, but I was extremely disappointed at how little time she is actually present for the whole thing. I wish someone would have said, you'll spend all day with the same nurses (hopefully) and then you'll see your doctor for thirty to forty five minutes at the end. I must say that I had great nurses! They were with me from 7am to 7:20pm when Makenzie was born. I remember asking them if they were going to leave me because their shifts were over at 7 and they all said, "no, we're staying until this baby is born." It made me feel so blessed and at ease that they were all going to stay with me. So back to the birth story. I had dilated fully and it was time to push. Oh happy day when they said push because despite the epidural I was feeling a lot of pain in my left leg. But once I was pushing it didn't hurt anymore. Every time I pushed the pain went away. I remember telling the doctor that I didn't think the epidural was working and that I could feel everything so I was worried about getting an episiotomy. She informed me that she had already done it! So, I was more numb than I realized. It was less than thirty minutes of pushing before Makenzie was born. They put her up on my stomach and Eric cut the umbilical cord. Then they took her away, measured her, cleaned her up and gave us her Apgar scores. I remember they were high, but I can't remember exactly. Either way I remember being glad they were as high as they were. It felt like an eternity before I got to hold her. I don't remember the sequence of events after that. I know eventually they moved me into another room and were shocked that I was able to stand and walk on my own from the bed to the wheelchair. I felt great. I was hungry and tired, but I was ecstatic that my baby girl had finally arrived. She was a healthy 7lbs. 11oz. and 19 inches long. She had a head full of hair and the tiniest little feet and hands. She did have jaundice but not so bad that she had to be under the lights. She took to nursing pretty well and I was thankful for that. It was a whole new experience to be able to feed someone with my body and I loved it. My mom, dad, and Eric had been in the delivery room with me all day. My dad stepped out when it was time to push, he didn't need to see all of that. Then Eric's grandparents, Tim and Tiffany, and April came to meet the new baby. It was really a great birth experience and a wonderful time of celebration for the blessing that God had given us: Makenzie Leeann Neal.

Wordless Wednesday

Back to the grind.

Look at this sweet face! I absolutely love this picture of her and had it printed and put in frame immediately. I love her so much! My sweet husband was home for two weeks for the Christmas break. We loved having him here and completely forgot what it was like when he was working. Thankfully we fell back into our old routine pretty easily this week when he had to return to work. I'm eating up every second I have with Makenzie as an only child. She is so wonderful! She is very caring, sweet, and smart. I love to hear the silly things that come out of her mouth. She repeats everything that you say and constantly has a question to ask. She wants to know "why" about EVERYTHING! I do my best to answer all of her questions even if the answer isn't at her level. Some things just aren't, such as: "Why do you have to change the oil in the car?" So I explained that the car needs oil to run and that it has to be changed to keep the car going. Now she keeps asking me if the car is still working...because we haven't been to change the oil yet. She is so funny and smart. I pray that the next one has similar qualities to her, but I here that second children are almost always nothing like the first. Hey, a girl can dream. I do know that whoever this second child is he/she will be absolutely wonderful in their own way.

Second Trimester-Week 17

I'm excited to say that I am feeling much better! I've had about three "good" days with my back following one where I almost couldn't walk. So, I'm excited about that. I still have to take it easy and not overdue it. Our last check up was the week of Christmas and everything was fine. We weren't able to see the baby's gender because of the way it was positioned but hopefully we'll know it about two weeks. Our next appointment in on the 19th of January. We are very excited and I am extremely obsessed with getting started on the nursery. I spend a lot of time every day looking at bedding, art work, and all things baby!