How does the saying go? "Don't compare your 'behind the scenes' to someone else's 'highlight reel.'" It's so hard not to. Especially when I read blogs about people who seem to really love and enjoy their children. I spend most of my time tolerating my children. Isn't that sad? Sometimes I wish I could see them through someone else's eyes. Everyone else notices how special, gifted, sweet, gentle, and kind my children are. While I "know" these things about my kids. These are not the portrayed traits that I spend my day in contact with. I see and hear LOTS of whining, crying, disobedience, and disrespect. It makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong. I've heard that you shouldn't take too much credit for the good things your child does, but what about the bad things? I take credit for all of it and I take it very personally.
I really want to spend time enjoying my kids. We do have good times together, but I often feel like an outsider looking in. I'm often the referee or the security guard. I'm often not interacting as much as I am just present.
Let's just say that my behind the scenes is ugly. I hope mine isn't the only one.
Does this mean that I shouldn't be a stay at home mom? If I had a job outside of the home and spent time away from them would I enjoy them more? Could I be more present and involved if I didn't spend so much time resenting them for what I'm not getting done? Aha, the truth comes out.
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